The Fish Story
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•December 3, 2015
Judge Comes Down Hard on Drone-Downer; Paranoia Comes in Many Parenting Forms
THE DRONE MOANED: I’m into drones … in a natural way, mind you. Sure, they sound and act a bit like some sort of invasive, insecty space creature, which they are, technically. But those doggone…
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•November 25, 2015
Look What They’ve Done to My Salmon, Ma; We’re Lookin’ So Good I’m Feelin’ Healthier
MELANIE GMO’ED: Some of you former hippy types might remember the protest anthem, “Look What They’ve Done to My Song, Ma,” made famous by somebody called Melanie. No one seemed to get her last name.…
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•November 18, 2015
Acorn Burst Could Spur Lyme Disease; Rising Bay Barrels Onto Roadways
The disease doesn’t fall far from the tree.
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•November 12, 2015
LBI’s Great Gas Pump Disappearance; Sam, 6, Displays His Striper Prowess
GAS IS A GONER : A critical gas crisis has befallen LBI. We’ve damn near run out of service stations. I discovered this the hard way – and I was fuming, literally.
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•November 4, 2015
In the Dark Without Daylight Savings; Getting Real With Proper Whale Language
I’m off my mark this week as I suffer separation anxiety from Daylight Saving Time. It has only been gone a few days and I miss it something awful, especially late in the day. Like many folks, I’m…
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•October 29, 2015
The Gorgeousness of Chlorophyll-Free Autumn Leaves; Skin-Eating Chiggers Refuse to Take Cold for an Answer
LEAVES GO VAN GOGH: We’re not big on fall foliage color hereabouts; too many evergreens overall. What’s more, where we do have a slew of color-changing deciduous trees, we don’t always get a sudden…
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•October 21, 2015
Scientifically Snuffing a Comely Kingfisher; Time in a Cosmically Black Cave
GORGEOUS … KILL IT!: I was emailed a photo of a mesmerizingly colorful “new species” of kingfisher, called the moustached kingfisher – a name that elicits the look of a bird trying to hide by putting…
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•October 15, 2015
Eye-Opening Kite Event Truly Took Flight; Braking Beemer Sees Different Shade of Yellow
We all know the ho-hum motto “It’s Better in September.” But there’s a seldom-used sub-maxim, onea local chamber of commerceis not wild about this year: “It’s Iffy in October.”
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•October 7, 2015
A Nasty Whatever-It-Was; You Just Gotta Get Classic This Year
Now that was one hideous storm … and it wasn’t really a storm, per se. It was mainly a very mean-spirited high-pressure system, something that usually brings us good sky times. Go figure.
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•September 30, 2015
Eclipse Had Excitement of Wet Paint; New Causeway Is for the Birds and Bikers
Did you catch that epic, full lunar eclipse on Sunday evening? As an AD/HD type, I hereafter know what to put between watching paint dry and waiting for water to boil. Sorry, but that was some boring…
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•September 23, 2015
This Sushi Is Whaley Bad; And Just Call It a Clock
A WHALE OF TROUBLE: I’ve only been to Santa Monica a few times but I can assure it is one of your consummate Cali towns – dripping in coolness, surfing, shopping and a West Coast ecological awareness…
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•September 17, 2015
Never Leave the Pen, Sulley, Never; The Sound of Maui Ants Marching
I want to begin this week by sending out a big “Nice try!” to Big Sulley for his great adventure/escape, which ended over the weekend.
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•September 9, 2015
Getting Slimy Rich Off Shark Skin; The Pinelands Are Spittin’ Cotton
That might have been the nicest Labor Day Weekend Sunday in the history of the world.
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•September 2, 2015
Better Check That Bag And Run; Let Me Know If You See a Tsunami
After writing about a lawsuit in which a movie chain won a suit lodged against it by a man who broke a tooth on unpopped popcorn, I somehow became the movie incident man. I recently began getting…
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•August 26, 2015
Best Not to Dig Up Past; Swash Might Be the Way to Go
ABNORMALLY PARANORMAL: I have this weird weakness for paranormal reality, the stuff now being zealously shown on cable TV, show after show. Who coulda guessed that so many hauntings and in-house…
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•August 20, 2015
It’s Anti-Radiation Skivvies Vs. Pocketed Cell Phones; Always Look for Typos to Prevent Shut From Happening
Cell phones are now the ultimate means of exchanging fishing news. Considering how intimate we’ve become with our cell phones, I need to now tenderly touch on a bodily zone near and dear to the…
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•August 12, 2015
Bitten by Fish and Popcorn Law; Networking in Search of New Sundew
FISH AND POPCORN, IMPERFECT TOGETHER: So you’re in the theater this week to see the first local showing of “Straight Outta Compton,” a movie you believe to be travelogue. To better appreciate the…
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•August 6, 2015
How to Become Hated by an Entire Planet; Groovy Rally to Ignore All LBI Speed Limits
After noisily slapping a black fly while crossing the beach on Sunday, I noticed a buncha nearby folks staring over at me, real hard. Then I had this blood-curdling thought: Holy, s***, did I just…
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•July 29, 2015
Rattlesnake Bite in the Bill; Sharks, Stingrays and Rover A-Swim
Here’s a wild-ride story that starts well within the natural realm but ends up with you writhing on the ground in financial pain. It’s also where nature and the nature of Mann mix it up.
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•July 22, 2015
Shark-Threatened Surfing Session Explodes; Seeing Not Always Believing in Trip to Pluto
It was another week of high sharkedness, with many gray suits hitting our LBI beaches – on the end of anglers’ lines. (See “wanton waste” segment below.)
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•July 16, 2015
Trying to Get Bike Thieves to Bite; Detroit Just Adores Its Jersey Seal
DEAD STICKING FOR THIEVES: We have a new brand of fishing surfacing in Long Beach Township. The quarry: Bike dogs. Say what?!
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•July 8, 2015
Can’t Take No Frackin’ Rock ‘n’ Roll; Garden State as ‘Least Liked’
I prefer thinking outside the box … unfortunately, they only let me out of the box on alternate Wednesdays and on special occasions. Such was the case last holiday weekend, when I was allowed out to…
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•June 30, 2015
Man o’ Wars Hot on Social Media; Island’s Clean Waters Have Dirty History
MAN O’ MEDIA WAR: Over a dozen LBI Portuguese man o’ war reports and sightings have crossed my desk – and dozens have come to life via Facebook.
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•June 24, 2015
LBI’s Feral Cats Fading Away; Salt Assault on Biting Flies
PORTUGUESE MAN O’ WOW: While the average sea-creature-fearing person, hearing about a single Portuguese man o’ war washing up in Harvey Cedars, would swear off oceans until Portugal returns to…
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•June 17, 2015
Shark Bites Likely a Buncha Bull; Being Ambidextrous and Amphibious
SHARK BITE FRIGHT: The shark biting of a couple kids in North Carolina hits a little too close to home, by my bullish thinking.
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•June 10, 2015
Gold Ring Through the Nose; Those Needing Beach Replen 101
Before I get to very earthy stuff, including a Reader’s Digest version of the LBI beach replenishment project, I have to haul all ya’ll back into the freaky realm of engaging gamefish.
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•June 3, 2015
Just Shoot Me Now, Bird Gals; Get That Sword Outta Here, Brah
CRUEL CORRECTION: A small flock of gals got their collective panties in a bunch over my mis-ID’ing of an egret, accidentally dubbing it a heron. My avian faux pas took place in here last week. It…
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•May 27, 2015
Secret Nature of Little Egg Inlet; Desperately Seeking an Exterminator
LITTLE EGG INLET STANDS OUT: For mariners duly concerned with the ongoing, pretty much out-of-control shoaling within Little Egg Inlet, have I got an odd background story for you. And don’t shoot the…
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•May 21, 2015
Think You Missed a Chance of a Lifetime?; Don’t Get Pumped Up Over Self-Service Gas
COULDA, SHOULDA, WOULDA: When you fret over missed opportunities, just begin repeating the name Ronald Wayne.
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•May 13, 2015
Golden Days of Nuclear Blast Drills; Give Our Tent Caterpillars a Break
MEMORIES OF A-BOMB DRILLS AND LIPPINCOTT: I was recently sent a weird, one-frame cartoon showing aged folks hiding under tiny school desks, mocking one of those Cold War nuclear-attack drills from…
