It came as a certifiable shock to me that sea turtles not only drive, but also do so slowly … and in the frickin’ fast lane, no less. “Move over you, you … reptile!”

You’ve surely seen the NJDOT digital message on Route 72 in Manahawkin, the one that reads “If you drive slow like a sea turtle, get out of the left lane!”

While a case can be made that this is a form of unfair profiling, it might further explain the reason for so many vehicles with heavily tinted windows, as turtle motorists now feel the need to drive covertly.

I’ve personally been told by salespeople at Tint World that the instant they see a sea turtle plodding through the…