If there’s a pro for every con
And an off for every on …
And a right for every wrong
And a short for every long …
Why not pills for all our ills
And some hair where it’s so bare?
If there’s a smooth for every rough
And a weak for every tough
And a yes for every no
And a stop for every go
Why not cures for those impaired
From scientists and labs who cared?
March 4, 2026
Subscribe to keep reading
This story is from our archive. Get your SandPaper Annual Pass for access to our digital archive, plus everything else a pass includes. Details below.
Annual Pass — $18 Details
365-day access to:
- The complete SandPaper digital archive (stories date back to 2012).
- Full photo galleries from our photographers.
- The entire catalog of SandPaper games, puzzles and quizzes.
How it works
- Enter your email below and click to pay the one-time $18. Card details are entered on Stripe’s secure page.
- You’re in straight away — no password to create, and nothing to set up or manage.
- You stay signed in. If you’re ever signed out, or you read on a new phone or computer, we’ll email you a code to get you back in.
- Never auto-renews. Your pass is good for one year. We will email you when it expires so you can renew if you’d like.
See our site policies for more information.
or sign in
Already a subscriber? We’ll email a code to get you back in.
















