I saw you. You think you’ve gotten away with it, your dirty little secret. For the record, it wasn’t the first time I watched you allow your yapping dog do his you-know-what on our new front lawn. Well, here’s my dirty little secret: I just ordered “keep your dog off the grass” signs from Amazon.com. These $12.95-each purchases have pictures on them, too -yeah, pictures of dogs with their dog butts high in the air. Ha!

This neighbor’s got a beautiful lawn, a perfect lawn. No crabgrass, no bald spots for him. Ours?