Every year, I do battle with the cookie gun. Every year, I lose the battle. My cookies come out looking like objects flattened by Wile E. Coyote and a steamroller. They taste great, but I’ve never been able to achieve the splendor of a Martha Stewart masterpiece. Perhaps I should swap weapons. Anyone have an extra caulk gun they’re not using?

The Masonites are dwindling in number, so I’ve decided to do the minimalist Christmas: one type of misshapen cookie, not 10 different varieties; no outdoor…