Kicking Plastic

Jul 17, 2019

As I paid for my groceries the cashier made a request,

“Paper or plastic, what would you like best?”

I said, “Mix ’em up. I feel lucky. Do as you please.”

She said, “If you’re goin’ to the Island use paper,

even if it’s a tight squeeze.”

I insisted she put them in plastic bags of yellow.

She said, “You’ve got to be nuts, but it’s your neck, fellow.”

I cruised to the causeway and out of the blue, I was stopped by the environmental police. What was I to do?

I asked what happened … I wasn’t speeding … what was wrong?

They opened my trunk, confiscated my yellow plastic bags and when they went for the ziplocks, I knew I was gone.

They broke open my suitcase and found even more loot.

Then they ripped the bags from my peppers, green beans and coogootz!

Oranges and melons rolled around my trunk

I quickly realized I was in trouble and that was no bunk.

They caught me red handed and took me away.

I now go to rehab every other day.

You have to understand my rehab’s not cheap.

Medicare won’t pay, they say I’m a creep.

They have taught me how selfish and foolish I’ve been

Worrying about things like North Korea, ISIS and Putin.

I forgot all these problems and now I don’t care.

As long as I use paper or cloth I have nothing to fear.

I am totally saved because of the government’s concern, and certainly am proud of the lesson I’ve learned.

Helen Fadini

Washington Township, N.J., and Beach Haven

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